Ok, honesty time. I, well, lets just say that I am not very good at writing pieces that go in a series. These pieces involve an interconnection that I do not have time for. I have a kid! That should be a sizable enough excuse to allow for some artistic freedom. That being said, I am going to dad the living you know what out of this series. Now, for a quick aside. Yes, I did use dad as a verb. Yes, I am using the english language in a manner similar to a gorilla at a type writer. Further more I am completely aware not everyone will understand what I mean, so here is an explamanation of the verb, dad. When a father decides to dad something, they are avoiding pretenses and cutting out the ornamentation sometimes involves in explaining something. An example would be, when you are learning to mow the lawn. Your father will give very detailed directions, but at the end when the actual operation of the mower is being explained, your father just says "hold the handle down, pull the cord, and when the engine starts running, push, real hard!" Then he goes inside to watch college football. This has been an examination of the verb usage of the word dad, you may now return to your previous column. Thank goodness that's over, that was boring. The long and short of all of this is that I am going to pick up the series about our adventures in part two, and it probably will not flow well with what was before but, again just to be clear, I HAVE LITTLE DICTATOR IN MY HOUSE!
From this point forward I will be brief. It is so joyful going somewhere new. This joy comes from many places, maybe you like broadening your horizons or like me you enjoy imagining a life different, not better because that means you are comparing. What would your weekends be like, would you be a regular at the coffee shop, would parking be annoying? I like thinking about this stuff however nothing compares to literally seeing the experience through somebody else's eyes. When you have that little companion with you they are not just seeing another town or store, they are adding information on life itself to their brain. Exploration is awesome, try it sometime and let me know what you think.
Have a great and remember to smile, it could always be worse,
AJ
Monday, September 30, 2013
Friday, September 27, 2013
Estimated Running Time
Throughout life your energy gets smaller but your days get longer. If you had a car with 400,000 miles on it you wouldn't drive it around for 18 hours a day. Life does not agree with me, when you're born you actual awake time is small as you get older you are awake and moving more and more and more. Why don't we realize this instinctually and just shut it down from ages 0-12. I'm not saying sleep all day just, four hours then nap, rinse and repeat, then sleep for twelve and start again. The instinct isn't to conserve and save it for your twenties through sixties, hell no, we use it, we fight naps and we stay up late. That is preposterous, we need to play the long game for a minute. To me, this is like putting your relief pitcher in the second inning of a 20 inning overtime game. This means someone ill equipped to handle eight or nine innings, your closer, has to take you the distance and try not to blow it at the end.
The answer to my hypothesis is well, no, maybe even no in capital letters and an exclamation point, NO! I can't go to sleep early I can't nap, no matter if I want to, there is life to be lived. The mere fact that we have the ability and drive to waiste our energy makes life so damn captivating. Throughout your life you experience so many events every minute why would you want to conserve your life? These are the facts some times, going through looking forward to it ends up defining the whole thing.
People say that youth is wasted on the young. I say age is wasted on the old. Don't forget that you can't be angry and annoyed with the way young people act, if you in fact, didn't annoy someone older than you previously. This is just a reminder to push yourself and be as open as possible to the idea that when you know everything new thing are being invented every minute of everyday, just to prove you wrong. Be young inside when your old outside and old inside when your young outside and just maybe you can have it all.
Have a great day and remember smile, it could always be worse
AJ
The answer to my hypothesis is well, no, maybe even no in capital letters and an exclamation point, NO! I can't go to sleep early I can't nap, no matter if I want to, there is life to be lived. The mere fact that we have the ability and drive to waiste our energy makes life so damn captivating. Throughout your life you experience so many events every minute why would you want to conserve your life? These are the facts some times, going through looking forward to it ends up defining the whole thing.
People say that youth is wasted on the young. I say age is wasted on the old. Don't forget that you can't be angry and annoyed with the way young people act, if you in fact, didn't annoy someone older than you previously. This is just a reminder to push yourself and be as open as possible to the idea that when you know everything new thing are being invented every minute of everyday, just to prove you wrong. Be young inside when your old outside and old inside when your young outside and just maybe you can have it all.
Have a great day and remember smile, it could always be worse
AJ
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Lunchimus Maximus
There is very little mystery involved in eating when you are an adult. This is a miracle, eating is unfathomably complicated. You not only need to utilize the food morsel in your mouth but you need to successfully get it to your mouth. The motor skills required to grasp then articulate the sustenance is crazy when you haven't even learned to poop in the toilet.
Cue fast paced cartoon music, we first wrangle the child. Child wrangling is not as simple asit may sound. Through life you learn certain survival techniques but there is one we have forgotten through the sands of time, flailing. When you pick up any child who is not entirely on board with the activity to follow, whether bath time or eating time if she is not on the game plan then the flail is in your future. This is a full body kicking, punching, back hunching, and head butting fit. The only bonus of this is the short lifespan of the aforementioned flailing.
After placing the child into the high chair, the food throwing and mouth missing commences. There are few thing that result in a mess more than a small child eating. The little person innthatnchair will be coverd from head to toe even under her clothes with the meal she just set out to eat. The act of feeding is crazy but it's so awesome to watch them learn, you are food the Svengali. Go home eat a nice meal, with your family, and enjoy it.
Have a great day and remember to smile, it could always be worse,
AJ
Cue fast paced cartoon music, we first wrangle the child. Child wrangling is not as simple asit may sound. Through life you learn certain survival techniques but there is one we have forgotten through the sands of time, flailing. When you pick up any child who is not entirely on board with the activity to follow, whether bath time or eating time if she is not on the game plan then the flail is in your future. This is a full body kicking, punching, back hunching, and head butting fit. The only bonus of this is the short lifespan of the aforementioned flailing.
After placing the child into the high chair, the food throwing and mouth missing commences. There are few thing that result in a mess more than a small child eating. The little person innthatnchair will be coverd from head to toe even under her clothes with the meal she just set out to eat. The act of feeding is crazy but it's so awesome to watch them learn, you are food the Svengali. Go home eat a nice meal, with your family, and enjoy it.
Have a great day and remember to smile, it could always be worse,
AJ
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Are You Entertained!
Last night was not an ideal night for this household. Please, allow me to set the scene if I may... Three in the morning, biting cold, out of the shrowded darkness echoes a semi-rhythmic thumping. The sounds failed to reach my ears while I was deeply buried in sleep. The Hollstar, was not as lucky, she was, as I found out later, in a state of constant self perpetuating fear. Damn mouse! Seriously why do we cower at the sight of one of these tiny little fuzz nuggets? I am not okay with the power they have over someone who is as large as I am. This is a problem, a problem I solved.
It was now six in the morning, the sun rises, the trees seem to stretch to great the rising crescendo that is fresh morning, and there I am a lone gladiator standing tall in the shadow of a small but unpredictable opponent. As if I was a blood I hound searched the kitchen for the noise getting closer with every bump and bang that came from... The mud room? Wait, the mud room, even worse the recycling bin. This is so dumb, is this the worse rodent ever? With my masculinity approaching possibly dangerous levels, I lifted the bin with one finger on each hand as if it were radioactive. Proceeding without any screeching or whimpering, fine maybe a little, removed the recycling bin and gingerly threw it as far as I could while continuing to hold it as far away from my body as possible. The bin skidded, flipped, and overturned revealing a tiny demon mouse! The classic standoff meant one of us would not be making it back in the house, and right now I'm sitting at the dinner table, yes! Take that mister mouse! I was victorious, lets just say, the mouse went to a farm up state with aunt Edna and her life partner Phyllis. I hate how joyous I feel over besting a tiny little half stupid mouse, at the same time I won and I was only kind of emasculated in the process. It feels like a great resounding success from this end.
More from our adventure yesterday to follow at some point.
Have a great day and smile, it could always be worse,
AJ
It was now six in the morning, the sun rises, the trees seem to stretch to great the rising crescendo that is fresh morning, and there I am a lone gladiator standing tall in the shadow of a small but unpredictable opponent. As if I was a blood I hound searched the kitchen for the noise getting closer with every bump and bang that came from... The mud room? Wait, the mud room, even worse the recycling bin. This is so dumb, is this the worse rodent ever? With my masculinity approaching possibly dangerous levels, I lifted the bin with one finger on each hand as if it were radioactive. Proceeding without any screeching or whimpering, fine maybe a little, removed the recycling bin and gingerly threw it as far as I could while continuing to hold it as far away from my body as possible. The bin skidded, flipped, and overturned revealing a tiny demon mouse! The classic standoff meant one of us would not be making it back in the house, and right now I'm sitting at the dinner table, yes! Take that mister mouse! I was victorious, lets just say, the mouse went to a farm up state with aunt Edna and her life partner Phyllis. I hate how joyous I feel over besting a tiny little half stupid mouse, at the same time I won and I was only kind of emasculated in the process. It feels like a great resounding success from this end.
More from our adventure yesterday to follow at some point.
Have a great day and smile, it could always be worse,
AJ
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
The Sound of Adventure.
Today marks another adventure, this time to Bristol, RI. Throughout our journey today I found myself more conptemplative than usual.
During our more extensive journeys I often find myself taken by the place we visit. I love the idea of inserting yourself into a new story. It can be as simple as wondering what each day brings when you spend your life there, what the world smells like when you leave your door, and how that life is different. I never wonder if it's better, that requires comparison, this is just a little submersion being part of another life for a time, just a thought rental if you do. Today brought a nice view, old houses, classic brick institutional buildings, and a village green complete with compulsory white gazebo. I enjoyed going to the local coffee shop and splitting a bagel with the kid, while sat at a little children's table and eventually pooped... To be continued tomorrow, she woke up early, so are the perils of my life. Great day but I'm glad I'm home, with the kid.
Have a great day and smile, it could always be worse
AJ
During our more extensive journeys I often find myself taken by the place we visit. I love the idea of inserting yourself into a new story. It can be as simple as wondering what each day brings when you spend your life there, what the world smells like when you leave your door, and how that life is different. I never wonder if it's better, that requires comparison, this is just a little submersion being part of another life for a time, just a thought rental if you do. Today brought a nice view, old houses, classic brick institutional buildings, and a village green complete with compulsory white gazebo. I enjoyed going to the local coffee shop and splitting a bagel with the kid, while sat at a little children's table and eventually pooped... To be continued tomorrow, she woke up early, so are the perils of my life. Great day but I'm glad I'm home, with the kid.
Have a great day and smile, it could always be worse
AJ
Monday, September 23, 2013
Rituals of Life's Seasons
The sheen and glisten of summer dulls and weathers to the rustle and bronzes of Autumn. Life begins to harden and crunch, slow and linger, it feels like New England. Oh right, one more thing, football. I love football, from uniforms to strategy, I am poised at the precipice of football addiction and come September, I leap. This football craze has spread all the way to my little family.
Saturdays bring my favorite part of the Autumn, ESPN College Game Day. Three hours of college football over exposure. Lee Corso is the court jester extraordinaire of CGD (College Game Day). Between Corso's likely alcohol problem, health issues, and general insanity, is the piece de resistance for me... Adorning of the Mascot head. Following the panels picks of the days slate of games, Corso wears the head of the potential winning teams Mascot. This week he walked with a buffalo named Lee Corso, it was awesome!
The Kid was not abiding by my sacred activity on this day. She was insistent that we do anything except for watching CGD. Following The Kid departing with The Hollster, my fiancé! To go spend the day with her aunt. I sat down to finally pay my respect to the game day gods, then the power went out for two hours. So fast forward through dusting, lawn mowing, and organizing I finally got to my days only goal.
It was not an ideal day but it was a great day with my beautiful family culminating in a great Dinner date with Hollstar. Sometimes you just have to listen to what the day is telling you.
Have a great day and smile, it could always be worse,
AJ
Saturdays bring my favorite part of the Autumn, ESPN College Game Day. Three hours of college football over exposure. Lee Corso is the court jester extraordinaire of CGD (College Game Day). Between Corso's likely alcohol problem, health issues, and general insanity, is the piece de resistance for me... Adorning of the Mascot head. Following the panels picks of the days slate of games, Corso wears the head of the potential winning teams Mascot. This week he walked with a buffalo named Lee Corso, it was awesome!
The Kid was not abiding by my sacred activity on this day. She was insistent that we do anything except for watching CGD. Following The Kid departing with The Hollster, my fiancé! To go spend the day with her aunt. I sat down to finally pay my respect to the game day gods, then the power went out for two hours. So fast forward through dusting, lawn mowing, and organizing I finally got to my days only goal.
It was not an ideal day but it was a great day with my beautiful family culminating in a great Dinner date with Hollstar. Sometimes you just have to listen to what the day is telling you.
Have a great day and smile, it could always be worse,
AJ
Friday, September 20, 2013
If She WasThe President?
As per my delaration last week I am answering requests Today. The question for today, which is a little off of my pont, is... "If Sloane, the kid, was a political figure, dead or alive, who would she be?"
My answer comes in four people, first, three people who together equal one Slone. Followed by, one figure who at least comes close.
The three political figures are Howard Dean, Mitt Romney, and Pat Buchanan. Howard Dean meant well, he was a great candidate from a great state. The only problem was an apparent and quite public overenthusiam, YYEEEEHHAAHH!!!!!!!! The Kid shares his misappropriated passion and good intent. When she is excited and loving from time to time, she gets grabby and slappy. Sometimes, she may trip or fall when exuding positivity. All of the abuse, screaming, and falling is akin to the bold battle cry of dean.
The Stormin' Mormom Mittens was a rampant flip-flopper, of epic proportions. From public healthcare, to abortions, race, and name Mitt Rimney loved to change his previous statements. The Kids abides (pardon the Lebowski reference)... by all of his, choice realignments. When we leave the house she wants to go for a walk, not ten seconds later the grocery store, fast forward again and it's the playground. By all that is holy, pick a position will you! We need to acknowledge the tireless example of the Mitteor and how he really was the model for The Kid's flip-floppery.
Finally Pat Buchanan, why you might ask? He was crazy, certifiable, looney, whackadoo, and nuts. The is really it. He wanted to secede from the union and put a wall around the United State. The Chinese did that already, how did that work? She is crazy Buchanan is crazy, end of story!
The all encompassing figure is not technically a political figure, he is a sports figure however. Allen Iverson seemed to mean well but he just couldn't show it. He ranted about practice. He managed to loose all of his money. Allen Iverson was bad at living logically as does The Kid. Throughout the day The Kid makes decisions without thinking them through, jumping off of chairs, biting dad, throwing fod, and avoiding naps. No one understands their poor decisions but they are the way they are.
Have a splendiferous day and smile, things could be worse,
AJ
My answer comes in four people, first, three people who together equal one Slone. Followed by, one figure who at least comes close.
The three political figures are Howard Dean, Mitt Romney, and Pat Buchanan. Howard Dean meant well, he was a great candidate from a great state. The only problem was an apparent and quite public overenthusiam, YYEEEEHHAAHH!!!!!!!! The Kid shares his misappropriated passion and good intent. When she is excited and loving from time to time, she gets grabby and slappy. Sometimes, she may trip or fall when exuding positivity. All of the abuse, screaming, and falling is akin to the bold battle cry of dean.
The Stormin' Mormom Mittens was a rampant flip-flopper, of epic proportions. From public healthcare, to abortions, race, and name Mitt Rimney loved to change his previous statements. The Kids abides (pardon the Lebowski reference)... by all of his, choice realignments. When we leave the house she wants to go for a walk, not ten seconds later the grocery store, fast forward again and it's the playground. By all that is holy, pick a position will you! We need to acknowledge the tireless example of the Mitteor and how he really was the model for The Kid's flip-floppery.
Finally Pat Buchanan, why you might ask? He was crazy, certifiable, looney, whackadoo, and nuts. The is really it. He wanted to secede from the union and put a wall around the United State. The Chinese did that already, how did that work? She is crazy Buchanan is crazy, end of story!
The all encompassing figure is not technically a political figure, he is a sports figure however. Allen Iverson seemed to mean well but he just couldn't show it. He ranted about practice. He managed to loose all of his money. Allen Iverson was bad at living logically as does The Kid. Throughout the day The Kid makes decisions without thinking them through, jumping off of chairs, biting dad, throwing fod, and avoiding naps. No one understands their poor decisions but they are the way they are.
Have a splendiferous day and smile, things could be worse,
AJ
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Wander About
Today we had an adventure. Into yonder wilderness we journied two intrepid explorers out to, climb rocks. Well this may not be Lewis and Clark and this may not be undiscovered country, also we had snacks. This however was an amazing trip.
The location, Lincoln Woods Park, a beautiful and previously unknown oasis in northern Rhode Island. On the way I told the kid we were on an adventure, and we both started shouting adventure! Fast forward the trip up and just a little loss of direction later and voila adventure. I realized something as we found this nice clearing, the kid doesn't know how to climb. How did I never teach her to climb? When I was growing up I had already eclipsed mountain peaks and was spelunking, at least that's what I thought. How could I leaving such a gap in her development? Wait... I think I'm getting carried away. My point, right back to my point, I had forgot the fun of coaching! Sowing what line to take up the rock, how to stay on your feet, and how strong she really is. I think I enjoyed it more than she did. Keep in mind these are no great rock faces but to her it was a mountain or an expansive crevice. This was a monumentus day for me, I mean, us. This was a real winner.
Explore, learn, teach, and have fun.
Have a great day and smile, it could always be worse,
AJ.
The location, Lincoln Woods Park, a beautiful and previously unknown oasis in northern Rhode Island. On the way I told the kid we were on an adventure, and we both started shouting adventure! Fast forward the trip up and just a little loss of direction later and voila adventure. I realized something as we found this nice clearing, the kid doesn't know how to climb. How did I never teach her to climb? When I was growing up I had already eclipsed mountain peaks and was spelunking, at least that's what I thought. How could I leaving such a gap in her development? Wait... I think I'm getting carried away. My point, right back to my point, I had forgot the fun of coaching! Sowing what line to take up the rock, how to stay on your feet, and how strong she really is. I think I enjoyed it more than she did. Keep in mind these are no great rock faces but to her it was a mountain or an expansive crevice. This was a monumentus day for me, I mean, us. This was a real winner.
Explore, learn, teach, and have fun.
Have a great day and smile, it could always be worse,
AJ.
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Aaaarrrrrgggghhhh
Why is following directions complicated? If I say come on let's go here or there, I have a fifth percent chance my child listens. I can't understand the reasons behind common place activities like eating or sleeping are now moments of intense screaming and one sided anger, that's her side by the way. However I have learned that being calm is golden.
If you are getting shot at from a fox hole, you respond in kind. If you are being chased you run. If you have a child loosing all grip on reality, screaming, crying, and acting generally enraged you just get quiet and calm almost unaffected by the situation. This is not my normal reaction to this kind of provocation, I am a yeller. I love yelling, it feels great, it sounds great, amd to me it is great. All of my adoration for yelling however means nothing. Much like those old jeans or cowboy boots that you love but the rest of the world hates, yelling has no place with small children. It just makes it worse and it ends up just being stupid. I sometimes wonder about the day to day concerns of my childless counterparts, what do you worry about? I hope you worry about nothing but still yell at everyone. People who walk slow in the grocery store, bad drivers, Yankees fans, and anyone who just rubs you the wrong way. Get all of the yelling out of your system because you have no room for it once the kid comes. You will sleep faster, get more done, and look WAY better if you don't. In all seriousness I find it amazing that life constantly reminds you that no matter how firm a grip you believe you have on things, sometimes you need to just get quiet and listen to what your world is telling you.
Have a great day and smile, it could always be worse,
AJ
If you are getting shot at from a fox hole, you respond in kind. If you are being chased you run. If you have a child loosing all grip on reality, screaming, crying, and acting generally enraged you just get quiet and calm almost unaffected by the situation. This is not my normal reaction to this kind of provocation, I am a yeller. I love yelling, it feels great, it sounds great, amd to me it is great. All of my adoration for yelling however means nothing. Much like those old jeans or cowboy boots that you love but the rest of the world hates, yelling has no place with small children. It just makes it worse and it ends up just being stupid. I sometimes wonder about the day to day concerns of my childless counterparts, what do you worry about? I hope you worry about nothing but still yell at everyone. People who walk slow in the grocery store, bad drivers, Yankees fans, and anyone who just rubs you the wrong way. Get all of the yelling out of your system because you have no room for it once the kid comes. You will sleep faster, get more done, and look WAY better if you don't. In all seriousness I find it amazing that life constantly reminds you that no matter how firm a grip you believe you have on things, sometimes you need to just get quiet and listen to what your world is telling you.
Have a great day and smile, it could always be worse,
AJ
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Take a walk
In boston today visiting the uncle for the morning. Today is a great and beautiful day! Take a walk, enjoy your favorite beverage, appreciate your life and the people in it, and have a conversation about something you know nothing about. That's all today lots of stuff tomorrow!
Have a nice day and smile, it could always be worse,
AJ
Have a nice day and smile, it could always be worse,
AJ
Monday, September 16, 2013
With Great Pooper Comes Great Responsibility.
A newborn is a pristine wrinkly little person who just needs care. This is a wonderful thing and you will love them with all of your heart! The problem comes when you remember that this is still a person, and they not only require love but also some heavy duty maintenance. I had never been trained for the task ahead of me. Much like a debutant on the silver screen, I had an audience for this momentous occasion. My first and the kids first diaper change. In retrospect it was not complicated but the first time you stare down that still steaming fecal Howitzer, you may freeze. When a baby is born they are basically a cute garbage disposal without the straight to swear pluming. All of this paired with my general lack of knowledge and distrust of diapers gave me pause. The room was filled with nurses, family members, my fiancé, and they looked at me and this baby waiting for switch. To be honest it all goes blank at this point I just remember being done with the stench of poop in my nostrils and the sense of satisfaction in my heart. I learned a valuable lesson that day, always have the grand parents change the diapers.
Have a nice day and smile, it could always be worse,
AJ
Friday, September 13, 2013
Question?
I really want to be the Dear Abby of stay at home dads! So I want to start a weekly advice column I'm gonna call it, Ask This Dad. Keep in mind that's just a working title. This is something I think could be great for everyone involved a.k.a me and whom ever asks a question, but seriously. I need your help to make this work. First, comment on this post and tell me what you think, good idea or bad idea, maybe I should try a specific approach, and title ideas. Second, email me questions we can do anonymous or fake names, and ask anything, crazier the better. I'm going to select three questions a week and answer on Fridays. These will be researched and well thought, possibly humorous answers, so tell people and give me some good ammunition.
Have a nice day and smile, things could always be worse,
AJ
The Game, Set, And Match Changer
Throughout life you often find yourself in a situation that you may have not considered. In this case the surprise was, well, the most classic of surprises. Yes, it was a baby. Now to give basic background after having cancer in high school I thought having a child would be a lot more work, guess it wasn't! There can be a beautiful resonance to surprises. The moments in your life that you expect very rarely live up to the story you make in your head, but when you never see something coming it forces you to adjust your expectations earlier creating a moment unencumbered by foresight. I never thought I would be where I am today and, despite those previous expectations, am right where I was meant to be. Try letting life plan you not the other way around. As usual a quick aside. Don't rely on the cliche quotes you because they remind me of someone who thinks they are unique by dressing like lady GaGa. Let me tell you, they aren't special, someone else is special. All this means is when you wear ripped panty hose and smear lipstick, you just look rabid and undesirable. In the way that the girl at Whole Foods who thinks she is lady GaGa lacks depth and personal understanding, stock quotes lack any meaning past a poster with a cat on it. Back to the matter at hand, changing expectations.
Last summer we had Sloane in daycare 2 days a week because I had a part time job. Daycare was great for her because she loves other kids, it was a nightmare for us, the parents, because apparently kids are incredibly good at spreading disease. Much like rats, small children set forth plagues on their homes nearly daily with the adeptness of a surgical strike. With this in mind there is a virus called hand foot and mouth which renders the recipient in a state akin to the walking dead. Sloane became the temporary home to a rather robust strain and was actually relatively unscathed, seemingly avoiding most of the blister and sores that can accompany it. This felt like a win, until, she poked me in the eye with her spit and virus soaked paicpher. At this point things went poorly for me. Over the next week I had the pleasure of non-permanent leperacy. Never in my life did I imagine my skin could hurt' well it can. I don't feel the current need to tell you how amazingly uncomfortable I was, but I promise you that it was not enjoyable. The best part of all of this though was that you realize no matter what comes the next day or in this case next week you are right back in the swing with a little crazy person running around gunning for your health... And groin.
Life throws things at you daily and your job is to catch. Take pride in your work and relationships they temper the changes in life and lead to, we'll, more questions. That's ok, I have never met a person who I found interesting who didn't try a couple things before they got it right. Be interesting, be good, and accept change because it already accepted you.
Have a nice day and smile, it could always be worse,
AJ.
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Dear world when my child is having "a moment" and is visibly annoyed with the state of her being please do not take that as a moment to assist!
Normally I am pretty good with keeping "the child" happy. However from time to time we have, what we'll call for the purposes of this piece, a disagreement. Today she was tired and I was, well, tired of trying to get her to nap. Even with her being generally annoyed we needed groceries and all of the classic sleep inducing procedures had failed, so hello super market. On any normal day the store is a pleasant shopping cart facilitated stroll where we leave with bags and most likely a muffin for the kid. Today, the second we entered it became apparent that she wanted a muffin. How, you might ask? Well the word muffin started being spoken at me on repeat for the better part of five minutes. The speaking became shouting and the shouting began to escalate to screaming as I was approaching the muffin hut nestled in the bread isle. All of a sudden, as if I wasn't keenly aware of the situation at hand, an elderly woman decided to interject her sage wisdom. "Oh what a cutie, I think she wants a muffin dad." NO FREAKING WAY! Now I responded calmly despite my non stop express trip to utter chaos, with the classic "don't I know it!" Now I completely understand that no one likes an unhappy kid but she was still far less agitated than your average grocery store child freak out. This interaction is far to common when it comes to being in public. I am just trying to buy dinner here, understand I am doing what I can and please I beg you, don't feel the need to talk approach.
Well that's my rant for the day and I do vaguely feel bad that this old lady made me want to start punting the cantaloupes, but in retrospect I really don't feel bad. Have a wonderful day and don't approach an angry child, or a tired parent , you will be risking the life of innocent produce.
Have a nice day and smile, it could always be worse,
AJ.
Normally I am pretty good with keeping "the child" happy. However from time to time we have, what we'll call for the purposes of this piece, a disagreement. Today she was tired and I was, well, tired of trying to get her to nap. Even with her being generally annoyed we needed groceries and all of the classic sleep inducing procedures had failed, so hello super market. On any normal day the store is a pleasant shopping cart facilitated stroll where we leave with bags and most likely a muffin for the kid. Today, the second we entered it became apparent that she wanted a muffin. How, you might ask? Well the word muffin started being spoken at me on repeat for the better part of five minutes. The speaking became shouting and the shouting began to escalate to screaming as I was approaching the muffin hut nestled in the bread isle. All of a sudden, as if I wasn't keenly aware of the situation at hand, an elderly woman decided to interject her sage wisdom. "Oh what a cutie, I think she wants a muffin dad." NO FREAKING WAY! Now I responded calmly despite my non stop express trip to utter chaos, with the classic "don't I know it!" Now I completely understand that no one likes an unhappy kid but she was still far less agitated than your average grocery store child freak out. This interaction is far to common when it comes to being in public. I am just trying to buy dinner here, understand I am doing what I can and please I beg you, don't feel the need to talk approach.
Well that's my rant for the day and I do vaguely feel bad that this old lady made me want to start punting the cantaloupes, but in retrospect I really don't feel bad. Have a wonderful day and don't approach an angry child, or a tired parent , you will be risking the life of innocent produce.
Have a nice day and smile, it could always be worse,
AJ.
Hello, before we get started I feel as though I should explain myself. This page will chronicle the joys, laughs, questions, answers, problems, rants, and what ever else I feel like in connection to my life as a stay at home dad. Yes, you could call this a daddy blog, and please do, but even more than that this is my take on being the parent at home. I have been afforded the experience of being the 8ish-5ish Monday through Friday caretaker of my 2 year old daughter Sloane. Needless to say my Fiance Holly, or for my purposes here "the Rainmaker" is a wonderful partner, mother, and business woman but that's for a later day. Thank god that's over, right!When you have a small child you are often looking for ways to keep them entertained because no matter how magical you are, you are not magical enough for 9 hours. There are times that you think you have everything under control playing with the seemingly endless supply of toys specifically designed to make any adults ears bleed... but you don't. One second you're happy and laughing, the next following a headbutt that would render even the most seasoned pugilist unresponsive, you are back at square one. I feel as though it's necessary to state you are not in control, yes without you a child is technically helpless, but they run the show. Children are heartless anarchist dictators whose only goal is their own sense of joy, but they are blessing, miracle, and all of those things sarcastic parents wouldn't say. Remember I only say this because I care. Right, back to the point, entertaining your child. During your day you will at a minimum go for a walk, eat seven times, sing twelve songs, read twenty books, and go to the playground.
Have a wonderful day and smile it could always be worse,Playgrounds are amazing , for the kids, for a parent a playground is a microcosm of social darwinism. Here are some tips to help you survive and maintain face. Always dress well, no one respects the parents in sweatpants and a t-shirt. Never cling to your child, inevitably you look controlling and become "that parent" at the playground. Make sure you are 3 feet away from your child at all times unless directly interacting, any closer and your a hall monitor, any further and you're negligent. If your child interacts with other kids say hi to the parent, if they are obeying the previous rules, introduce yourself and child then wait. This will secure the upper hand in the interaction. You now have the ability to follow the other parents lead and abort if they are a rampant over-sharer. This can be treacherous because you will inevitably talk solely about the wonders of child rearing. On an aside isn't rearing a weird term? It's a functional term and I don't have anything better, but woof. Final advice, if you are a stay at home father you WILL be outnumbered by women and nannies, that's okay, be comfortable in your role and it helps to seem completely comfortable when your child has claimed the slide like spoils of war. Oh yeah one more thing don't over discipline at the play ground. You never look good when you have an iron fist, try bronze, it's a softer metal. Remember that at the end of the day it's all gravy because you have the best, worst paying, job in the world.
AJ.
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