How old am I?

Today I was reminded of something, I am secretly 65 years old. I have been that age probably since I was the actual age of 12. I have no explanation to why I am this way, I just am much better at being 65 than I am at being my actual age. My age bracket are normally working 60 hours a week at a job that is terrible. Most are addicted to social media and the nightlife culture. I enjoy and participate in none of these things, he'll I even think the idea of a blog is silly, but that's my cross to bare. I like newspapers, walking, the strategy of sports, taking my time, and bickering. I have always preferred  doing things my own way, that way just turns out to be the path of your average retiree.

What has reminded me of this is another thing that has happened to me over the years, and again today. While at the store with the kid in the check out line a grand mother stated how cute the kid is and how she looks like me. This led to her saying that the kid was cute because she has a cute dad, hehehe. This has always happened to me, in high school moms always liked me more than their daughters. Now, the payoff to all of this simple, I am the luckiest man in the world, and I really am old inside and outside. The reason is, I have someone who is just as old, inside, as I am. The lady is definitely a kindred retiree and thank goodness because the prospects for a 26 going on 65 year old aren't very good.

This has all given me yet another reminder that sometimes things happen because they are seemingly supposed to. The kid gives me just enough leeway to let my old man out on a daily basis, and I like that.

Be glad you are who you are even if that mean you are ridiculous. The reason, someone will appreciate that, at some point. Oh yeah, and read the newspaper, it's highly underrated.

Have a great day and smile, it could always be worse,
AJ

Because That Makes Sense

I never realized that the reason interesting people always had interesting lives for one specific reason, diversity. Now, to be clear I only hope to be interesting and am in no way implying that I am there quite yet, but everyday I feel like I get a little bit closer. The reason for my journey towards the outwardly interesting is simple, lots of crazy crap happens in my life. 

Crazy part 1. The kid today was wearing her snow suit because she wanted a playground and it is the stinging variety of cold outside. The whole point of all of this lead up is... Snowsuit + slide + light snow cover = kid rocket. Yes, the kid went down the slide and proceeded to exit at quite high speeds, I am proud to say the I caught her and avoided any injury, however it was awesome. 

Crazy part 2. I do not understand a lot of people and the things they do. Over the weekend I worked a little weekend job as a security professional, hahahaha! During my inaugural stint I was in charge making sure that only families used the bathroom specifically designated for family usage. I just want to ask a simple question here, if someone tells you, politely, that you can't use something why would you try and convince them that they are wrong? Seriously, I am standing right in front of you explaining that you are not a family and thus cannot use the bathroom just for families, yet for some reason you feel the need to tell me I'm wrong. I am not wrong and most likely I am far more sober than you please just listen.

I am loving the evolution of becoming interesting, at least I hope. It may be a wee bit presumptive of me to hope I am interesting but what the hay. Any ways if anyone knows of any good evening work for a stay at home dad feel free to email me. Great job by Meg Curran yesterday, gotta love crowd support!

Have a great day and smile, it could a,ways be worse!

AJ

One Small Step, Her Giant Leap

Today I have the honor of my first guest post! It comes to us from one of my favorite people Meg Curran. She is currently located in Los Angeles and I am oh so so proud to have her add to my site and I encourage any others to email me if you want to join in on the fun. I really am just jazzed up right now and can't thank her enough!

Enjoy...

2013: The Quarter Life Club & the Year of the List

Has your Facebook recently turned into a place where people share articles about every shallow topic under the sun?  Logging on this morning my newsfeed brought me a few pleasures: 24 Real Ways to Be a Woman, 10 Things No One Tells You About Being Engaged (in which my friend’s beautiful engagement photo has gone viral via Pinterest and now Huffington Post), and Is This the Most Important Selfie of 2013? And to the posters of said lists I say: bring back the TFLN and TFM wall posts!  But in all seriousness, my best guess is that this is a product of being 25, a little lost, and having a lot of “friends” in the same boat.  Some of the viral lists are painstakingly hilarious, don’t get me wrong, I’m not a Buzzfeed hater; I’m just specifically interested in where women are gaining their advice in 2013.

These lengthy, often gif-accompanied lists seem to have propelled 20-somethings into a place of self-help through following each blindly.  Now that is an interesting #socialmediastrategy if you ask me.  Let’s all give advice to each other even though my personal life/work life/financial situation (choose one or more) is in shambles.  I am not trying to insinuate that all 20-somethings should have it together and I will happily be the first to admit that I do not.   But perhaps we should take a page from someone else’s book for once instead of our instantly gratified and satisfied lives.

A good friend of mine turned 25 just a few months after me and I welcomed her into the quarter-life crisis club with a weekend away in wine country sipping – no, chugging – copious amounts of wine.  In lieu of gifts, she reached out to her family members for advice and things they wished they knew at 25.  I thought this was a phenomenal idea and one that really rivals all of the numbered list articles that you could possibly read during a slow afternoon in the office.  Don’t pretend like you don’t know exactly what I mean.  So if you’re having a slow afternoon and reading THIS, why don’t you send an email to your mentor, older siblings, aunts and uncles, mom, dad, or grandparents?  I can guarantee you it will make your afternoon more meaningful.  Meanwhile, I’ll be continuing to toy with the idea of deleting my Facebook…

However, if you haven’t seen this bad boy yet today…you should probably take a quick look: http://happyplace.someecards.com/28039/girl-has-perfect-response-to-friends-triple-engagement   (courtesy of the blog-owner’s baby mama).

Cheers!

Meg “Auntie twice-a-year” Curran

Proud Groomsman Bridesmaid in Stay at Home Dad’s Wedding

It's a Marathon

I tend find my understanding of things that are confusing and difficult in sports. The idea that you work hard enough and you get a chance, sometimes just one chance but you get that chance to change history. This sometimes seems to idyllic to be applied to life, that's where I find myself standing on the rooftops screaming to all that can hear, it isn't to good to be true. The difference between sport and life is simple things are clear in sports. There are rules and structures, in life it is much more of a moving field. The opportunities for you to prove your worth, strength, will, and desire are often unclear and thrust upon you. There are times when the things you are facing seem innocuous enough even pointless but these are the times you need to stand up and show your strength.

I can't tell you if every moment in life requires this sort of self awareness and due to the pure exhaustion of this task makes it impractical to follow as an everyday thought. I however want to adopt this idea as much as I can. When you do something, prove something, whether to yourself or to others prove that you acknowledge an importance. This is not about viewing life as a competition, even though I do sometimes, I instead want to look at life as a series of check points. You may not be where you want when you reach those marks in the sand. That is to be expected and most importantly noted. Change the things you can, and keep in mind you can change more than you ever know.

This relates to my life because I am watching someone complete their first milestones. I know there are the obvious markers but that's not what I'm talking about here. This is about defining yourself and where you correlate and differ from your family, define yourself, and establish your goals. We aren't to the whole persona side of this, however the lady and I are seeing more and more of ourselves and more of who she is everyday. We are both fairly, as I say, "particular". This is all to say the kid also likes things just so. I love this and I am so excite that as she grows she gets more attached to the world.

These are the small victories.

Have a great day and smile, it could always be worse.
AJ

Thanks Giving

With the impending holiday joy, I feel as though some the season is seeping in to my thinking. I want to say that life is so much broader and richer than I ever expected. It doesn't seem like that when you are young and everything happens so fast and often for the first time. I liken it to the first day at a new school. That first day seems so huge in your mind, the funny thing is everything feels like that in retrospect.

Now however things seem like they have always been the way they are. My life isn't even crazy to me anymore, it's just life now. I think this is an important change. This change has allowed me, at the very least, to realistically enjoy the things I have.

I am thankful for where I am, who I'm with, and I am just happy to be here. There will always be things you wish we're different, the key, in my opinion is that there should be more things that you glad aren't. Those things you don't like, look at them change them, the only reason things are bad is because they take effort to address.

Be thankful that effort is connected to imagination, and that's something you can always find.

Be thankful in a painfully honest way, take a little less credit, just for one day give the credit to those who have helped you. The smallest aid from some one can often be the most important.

Finally, be thankful that it could always be worse, seriously! I'm in no way saying that you should,take joy that you are better off than others. All I'm saying is realize your luck hasn't run out just yet.

So with that I'm done, pardon the sentimental post. I blame the pilgrims!

Have a great day and smile, it can get worse,
AJ

The Princess

To start today, I just wanted to tell all of you that the kid will today be known as "The Princess." I just wanted to inform you.

This change comes from an affliction that has been thrust upon me. Lets look at this logically. First premise everyone is who we believe them to be, which is to say that reality is as we know, so there can't be any secret identities. Second premise princess has a secondary message of saying someone should be exhalted as if they were royal, as in "who is this little princess?" In reference to a little girl. This premise is my problem because it is secondary in my mid and thusly affecting my logical thought process. So when I think out logically when someone calls the kid a princess, I think princess as in future queen. The problem is if she is a princess that means her parents are a king and queen, I am her father, ipso facto I am a king.

I am not a king, and if secretly I am, where of? If I am why has no one told me? The questions are really killing me, further more why do people think I'm a king?

I understand that people mean it in a cutesy way and that is wonderful and I hope people don't stop because its very sweet. I however am going to remain very confused because I want to know where I am a secret king?! I could use some capital, given my luck I would probably be the king of Detroit and I would actually owe money.

That's all today!

Have a great day and smile, it could always get worse
AJ

A Good Morrow To You

Yesterday was a winner! A beautiful adventure day in the east bay. I enjoy driving around the regular area of towns. All towns have something notable even if it's just a strip mall or gas station. What makes towns really cool are the hidden things maybe a little square, a historic district, maybe it's just a great view these are the things that make a place interesting. In that mindset I took the kid for a scenic drive and it was so illuminating, we found probably 15 miles of shore line and some beautiful old house. The day was a banner one for the RI chapter of  the O'Brien family.

I have been working on some pictures for the post tomorrow and I feel like the walking death, the common cold is not a friendly bedfellow let me tell you. So that's all I promise pictures and maybe a video tomorrow to reward your patients.

Have a great day and smile, it could always be worse,
AJ

Manic Monday

Forgive me for my Bangles song reference. Oh hey fun fact: that song was written by the man, the myth, the symbol, Prince. Now that is over we can get to more pressing matters.

What is Monday all about anyways? It's a day for preparing the rest of the week Snead. In that manner I will have a short entrance today. With you have just read so good day and you will be rewarded with a great couple of posts this week.

Have a great day and smile, it could always be worse,

AJ

Goings On Are Going On

Hello,

Where do you find yourself today? I find myself on a new couch! I am extremely proud to say that I found a couch and paid what I wanted and Boo Yeah!

The only snag in all of this was actually getting it. I had the ladies brother come down to help me move the couch. When first scanning the couch I let my reservations get the best of me, I called the lady during a meeting three times by accident causing a bit of a situation which was anything but ideal. So feeling unsure we left the store. Upon arriving home we received a call that persuaded me to return to the store and purchase the couch. Now understanding that we were going to buy a couch we moved the current couch down stairs. Now the stairs to the basement are not large and neither are the doorways. This created an extremely tight squeeze to to get it down the stairs. The moving of the couch was not pretty but it's down there and that's a win.

When arriving back at the store the salesman informs us that often times this style of couch has a hard time fitting through doors. Well that's great and I don't remember the measurements for the front door, oh nuts! Well one more trip back to the house sounds fun. After this final journey we learned the door was barely big enough and we purchased this, actually incredibly comfy couch, brought it home and then bam.

There it is a couch finally here all new and homey. I have yet to determine if its a perfect fit or if its just good for now but who cares!

Also I realized what was going to ruin my streak of good fortune, lost a card from my wallet, typical me! Oh me I'm so silly... sorry about that me and myself were talking again. That happens from time to time just ignore it. Finally dont worry, I will not let my clumsiness lead more from path of success I shall keep on trying to be competent in my duties. Actually you may want to worry a little.

Have a great day and smile it could always be worse,
AJ

Hmmmmmmmmmm

Today I don't really know what to say. Things have been pretty good here. The kid is having time with the auntie and cousins tomorrow. The lady had a business day trip and did a grease a job. I even have dinner planned out for the rest of the week and I don't even have to go to the grocery store tomorrow. This must be what it's like when you are on top of things.

Why is it whenever things are going well I get nervous? What show is about to drop or how am I going to do something dumb? This is honestly not some sort of deeper ceded issue I just have seen too many times that when I get things under control they tend to not stay that way.

For this very reason I am making this week about being on top of literally everything. I'm gonna do laundry, dishes, and other household tasks and I am going to do them extremely well. I want to be on top of every single thing I want to be irreproachable in my approach.

I have no other answer for what is ailing me and I imagine, at least it makes me feel better to imagine, that most people feel the same. I am in no way saying that I am unhappy or that I don't think I can be on top of things. It's just that more often than not something happens when things are flowing the way you planned. This is why I am not an astronaut or a U.S. Senator. I would also like to make it clear that I am not saying that the world is out to get me and that the things that happen are unrelated to my own actions. The key to this is that for things to be going great guns often times there is something you are neglecting to get there.

Wait... Hold on... New plan I am going to make sure that no matter what I don't forget any aspects of my duties. For istance being dutiful as opposed to just dootie. Get it dootie like the common term for bowel movements. I felt like potty humor was necessary to counter act my actual perceptive displayed before.

Have a great day and smile, it could always be worse,
AJ

Koi Ponds and Movie Theaters

I had the dubious goal of buying a couch. I do not enjoy buying things that can cost more than one hundred dollars, and I do not like buying things that are salesmen based. Thus at that cross roads you find me, looking to spend way more money than I want to with a salesman who will inevitably annoy me.

I am in no way insinuating that I did not willingly take this task. I did not whine about this in any way because, I know that I will inevitably get the best deal possible because I am unwilling to compromise.

My major problem is not the near stalking that is committed by the salesmen. My problem comes mainly from the fact that these stores are always overwrought with ridiculous features. The most notable examples of this are a koi pond and movie theater.

Why do I care about orange fish and 3d movies when I'm buying a couch or bed? Here is my answer... How about you knock everything down a hundred bucks instead of building this stupidly. Is it so hard to just to have a normal store with cheaper furniture? No, it's not necessary to have crap in the lobby and all the distractions. Just be reasonable in pricing, I'm not saying dirt cheap, all I'm saying is be realistic. I want to pay less money for things that are already way overpriced.

So one final word, if you sell things, that's fine just don't be creepy and ask a reasonable sum of money for it.

And no, I did not buy a couch today but will this week... I just need to borrow a truck, hahahaha gotcha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have a great day and smile, it could always be worse,
AJ

Until Things Settle Down.

So the highlight of the weekend was the lady taking a half day, rounding up the kid and I to go take pictures. These pictures have a purpose but that's more wedding stuff for another day. This day was fantastic.

The fall air had a sting to it on account of the strong wind that speed through any open area available.   The sun shown brightly and cleanly cutting past clouds strewn through the sky. It was glorious. We went to Roger Williams park, what a strange and interesting place. I understand that there is a certain stigma attached to it with some people but being a relative foreigner to Rhode Island I have a naïveté when dealing with these sort of things. Regardless of all of this it was a banner day for this budding family.

It was a day that showed far we have come and the greatness, no matter how unforeseen, that is ahead.

That's all for today the kid just woke up!

Have a great day and smile, it could always be worse,
AJ

If It Was Easy

Sometimes things feel like they are getting off the rails and sometimes you just don't see an answer. Well, don't ask me because I have nothing for you. On the bright side. What I've found is most of the time there is no answer just one option look where you are and just do something.

I find this time of year inspiring thanksgiving football, cold weather, lots of food, a time for giving thanks, continuing traditions, and quiet introspection. I think that the crisp fall weather nature preparing for a long hard winter to come sometimes leads people to stagnation. Let this be my time to disagree. Through this season I always find motivation to emerge out of the coming cold with a new perseverance and possible new answers.

In our household the kid has a cold and felt generous enough to gift that to me. The lady stepped up and took on the thoroughly unforgiving task of posting up with the mini dictator and trudging through the constant barrage of anger and snot filled confusion being thrown at her. It's easy to see someone you love and are I charge of struggling but it happens and all you can do is keep on keeping on, to use a confusing turn of phrase. What I mean is, if you have gotten to place you want to be, even if its not everything you wanted, that means your doing something right. The lady didn't give up she just kept being herself and that's what we needed. We aren't out of the woods quite yet, however we aren't staring down any misery cannons anymore and that is in no small part a credit to her at her most core level.

We often meet adversity and look at the ways we need to adapt, sometimes I think we need to see how we need to stay the same. I haven't had the most banner raising year but when I surveyed the field and finally starting listening to the people I have surrounded myself with I realized this idea. It is necessary to change sometimes, but more often than you think just adapt the situation to who you are. That's what the lady did and does everyday and that's why I am righting this today. I would also like to say that's the only thing the kid does, but she tends for the extreme.

Be who you are and don't just say it like a freaking poster in an office actually do it. I can't stand most positive thinking phrases because they take the onus off of what they actually are saying to instead provide some sorry of comfort. Be the change and actually then go out and own it. If you are facing down something, evaluate it use some imagination and actually figure out how YOU are already prepared.

Have a great day and smile, it could always be worse,
AJ

The Sick Are Amongst Us

As of last night we have a sick-ish child in our house. I say ish because I am under the completely rational idea that if I refuse to acknowledge that my child,is sick than she won't get any sicker. Now I am cognicent of the fact that if she does get more sick I must act. Until that point I make her drink a lot of vitamin c and just ignore the possibility she gets more sick.

So that being said I am tired and I do not have the freedom to get sick because if I get sick if just going to be sick doing the same stuff I normally do and that's not fun. So see you all tomorrow and feel free to email any comments you ever have on the blog to me.

Have a great day and smile, it could always get worse,
AJ

I Like Treats Better

As I'm sure you know it's Halloween tomorrow, it is also my anniversary of seven years with Holly, oft referred to as the lady in my posts. She is a wonderful person and she is literally half responsible for that beautiful little girl I am responsible for every day. She has also given me something far beyond responsibility and that is her trust and love.

It is not easy, I imagine, to leave every morning knowing that I'm here watching the kid, if not purely for the fact she would rather be. That however is not the case, and at no point has she ever been an anything but supportive and she for some reason is convinced I'm good at this whole thing.

I have a lot of things to keep me feeling like I am contributing, more than watching the kid, one of which is this blog. I have her to thank for all of this. I cannot in any realistic way say how truly blessed and thankful I am for my family and this woman. This is the best I can do to, right now, to thank her for everything she does for me on a daily basis.  I hope that this is some simple way illustrates just how wonderful a person I have in my corner everyday and hopefully the kid continues to grow, gets even smarter, even stronger,  and a becomes good and conscientious person. Then hopefully that will be the best testament to what a wonderful and giving person her mother is, and how much I love her.

That's all for my soap box today, but I'd be hard pressed to find a better use of it.

Have a great day and smile, it could always be worse,
AJ

Isn't It Hibernation Season?

I have been attempting to regain my physical condition and appearance of days gone by.  In this journey I have joined a gym (with daycare), obtained the assistance of a pocket sized sister from another mister/personal trainer for a workout regiment, and been regularly wishing that I had instead decided knit in lieu of getting in shape. The kid loves the gym, or yimmy as she refers to it, and the lady keeps telling me how annoyed she is, I would say she is three quarters kidding.

This physical activity is fairly strenuous and it does make me feel fairly old but it also leaves me quite, well, sweaty. Imagine if you will, taking a hose slowly running and attaching it to the top of your head for the better part of an hour. The word damp does not begin to sum up my state after the first part of my work out.

During my daily sweat-scapades I have very little to do other than look around the yimmy (got to give to the kid, she has a way with words). The other day while I was surveying the other poor souls working out I saw a women wandering from machine to machine, only vaguely like an automaton. This woman was on the heavier side, remember judgement free zone, she was wearing a very unusual shirt however. The shirt read "sweating for the wedding"I found this humorous and more than a little ridiculous.

When I saw the lady that night I relayed this story, it was hilarious I really made it come alive. I further stated that I thought the shirt would be perfect for me since we have a wedding coming up, with tongue planted firmly in cheek. In the days to follow I told the story a few more times as I found the male to female role reversal both subversive and witty. Little did I know what was ahead of me.

The lady and I have our anniversary on Halloween and I asked if we were exchanging gifts. The following answer rendered me senseless and writhing on the floor in hysteria. The lady told me that in a fit of genius she had purchased me one of the aforementioned t-shirts. Oh nuts, well she took the joke to a whole new level.

 This time I guess the joke is on me, touché and another job well done lady.

Have a great day and smile, you could always be sweaty,
AJ

Aaaaaarrrrrggggghhhhh

I have a splitting headache, which is in no way connected to the intervals of random screaming and joy that have been launched like stinger missiles from my child today.

Why are we moody? What is so complicated with just picking a n emotion and sticking with it? I have always liked those old hard scrabbled detective movies where the main character is just angry, the entire time it doesn't matter what he's doing. That's awesome to me I think people should pick one emotion and own it. We all know the happy people and the annoying people but I want real dedication. 

Say you choose to be mad. Then you are mad when you use the bathroom, eat, shop, smile, laugh, and even sleep. I think because of the overuse of emotion being put forward by the kid and for that matter most likely all children, we need to take on the mantle of choosing one emotion a day and just riding that out. This idea of changing your emotions depending on what you feel is poppycock. It's time to bring balance back to the world! 

Today I'm choosing to be over-reactive to everything for example. This is not truly an emotion but it's still early in the journey.

Have a great day and smile, why aren't you smiling yet! The world could end smile already!

AJ

The Man, The Myth, The Legendad

I don't really know what makes someone good at something or why certain people do what they do. I don't even know why I do what I do?

Necessity seems the most obvious answer, when life gives you lemons I guess. Then again maybe there is a greater purpose, the idea of "fate" does make a sort of sense even though it's kind of depressing if you think about it. For that reason alone I'm not going to go that route, I'm thinking that it's maybe more in the middle.

I always dreamt of a straight forward life made from a very detailed plan in my head. This plan seemingly, as often as possible, has been rewritten. You can make a laundry list of events that would make my previous plan null and give me an opportunity to create new ones. As time has progressed I have realized my long term planning skills are well, quite poor. I have often wondered why the unforseeable seems to be common place in my life and I think I have an answer. Why not?

Now that is kind of a copout but really, maybe things happen in our lives because they can. Our job is to somehow string them together and make a somewhat coherent picture out of all of this. This is where my point comes together, our lives are our lives because of the things that happen to us. If you substitute something in your life for something you may prefer everything that follows will be different. You make the space in between the craziness, that space makes up your life as you know it.

Tha uncontrollable things are the easiest to focus on and when you ignore that period in between you start to loose the little bit if control you have. This is important for me because I have realized that I have taken to this parenting thing because it seems easy to me to take care of someone else. The taking care of myself is more of a challenge.

The point of all of this is when you get lemons you should take a second and ask yourself if you know any recipes that require lemons or maybe you would like a lemon tree. The easy answer is to just keep pushing through but after all of that pushing you start to develop skills you don't realize. For me I have found out that I'm really good at planning and adjusting on the fly, the only catch is I'm only good at it for other people. Take what you learn and apply it to the craziness, maybe things become easier maybe they become more complicated but they will become something.

Enjoy your life because there are way to many miserable people, maybe they should just read this, I think I'm pretty convincing.

Have a great day and smile, it could always be worse
AJ

Oh Strawberries!

I am a fan of language and the way it can be used, good or bad. Language is the most common way us humans communicate and even when we choose to communicate through art or or other mediums language will always be used to describe whatever feelings or thoughts are being displayed. Part of language and general communication for that matter, like it or not, is vulgarity. The most common usage of vulgarities are of course swear words or often times misappropriated usage of common place words to illustrate someone's actions or the realities of a situation, for example calling someone a piece of poop or saying a something sucks. All of these things are important when it comes to demonstrating your feelings at any given time and are part of how we function. This does not apply with children however.

When the kid was born the lady and I knew that we would need to monitor the filth that often spilled from our lips much like hot lava from a newly erupted volcano claiming all of the villagers in its path. We took precautions such as saying strawberries very LOUD whenever we began to swear in an attempt to have cover our tracks. This was not our idea, we totally stole it, but much like the tune of "God Save The Queen" being stolen by "My Country Tis Of The", seriously that's a real fact check it out if you don't believe me, once we had it we made it ours. Some people such as MY BEST FRIEND, struggle with this strategy and ultimately swear more. For an example he will say " so the f$&8ing oh sh&$7 I mean strawberries f@&k I screwed that up!" This is not the desired affect, again it is a replacement not just an addition. I have had a relatively easy time with this in front of the kid because, we'll I spend the majority of my time with her so I have a lot of practice. The lady however has more difficulty.

Working in an office environment, especially a small one with no highfalutin human resources department, lends itself to the usage of many a oft avoided vulgarity. I cannot stress the imagination and range of the words used, it's actually quite impressive. This does lead to complications upon arriving back in kiddy land because there is quite a bit of editing that must occur in the retelling of the days events and basic speech patterns used in the home. I give her credit though because despite this blatant disadvantage she, all things being equal, very rarely messes up. The surprise issue in this entire situation however are not the obvious vulgarities but more correctly the use of acceptable words in unacceptable ways, oh poopy!

We have obviously had some experience with this, my famous and now titular usage of the phrase "Oh Nuts" for example, refer to the title of this website for clarification, have become acceptable. That being said last night while pouring water on the kid in the bath a new word was used. Butthole is  a rather obvious term and quite descriptive if you really think about it. The problem is however when this word is in the hands, or more correctly lips, of a small child the results may be disastrous. Thus far the repetition of this word has been relegated to just a one time repeat after mom said it To say I'm nervous that this word may again rear it's, well rear again however is an understatement.

Swearing is fun and sometimes exceedingly necessary but remember a mini-dictator may be listening and more than willing to make you pay.

Have a great strawberrying day and remember to smile, it could always be worse,
AJ

Manners

The next obstacle in the advancement of the kid as a functioning member of society. The first part of this is a general understanding of basic functionality which is to say eating, sleeping, etc. From that lead to the bathroom experience which is a work in progress but one that is improving. Now we reach the crux of the current challenge, manners.

To be fair to the kid, she says please and thank you, with thank you  she is much better than please. My frustration is mainly connected to the fact that she understands please and how to use it, and she does, however the key is only when prompted. The lady and I have been hammering home the need of saying please for the majority of her speaking life, this has had a relatively minor affect her actions. Whenever a "need" is established in that two year old brain of hers she goes from zero to sixty in no time flat. I wonder if I have ever needed anything with the fervor she presents her most basic of needs. In a way I am impressed with the strength of conviction she shows for things such as raisins, milk, dolls, remotes, phones, and basically anything any adult in eye view is currently utilizing.

EUREKA I know understand her strength on conviction! It doesn't matter if she has any actual needs but more importantly it is connected to making sure whatever you are doing becomes what she is doing. So the reason for the lack of please comes back to what real already knew, the pocket dictator rules with an iron fist and as such can show no weakness.

Well that is WAY to much for this stay at home dad to handle. I think I'm just going to keep reminding her that please is a requirement and hopefully she doesn't stick me in some sort of gulag.

Have a great day and smile, it could always be worse,
AJ

Bo Bo.... The Journey Continues

The life and times of Bo Bo the pumpkin only get more interesting. The wildest pumpkin life this side of crazy town has only wackier. Since my previous documentation of Bo Bo's seemingly short life as our house pumpkin he (I feel calling a girl pumpkin Bo Bo is unreasonably harsh) has received a pumpkin sibling. This slightly smaller pumpkin was acquired in Vermont and has provided a fello participant to the daily journeys of Bo Bo.

You may be wonder what the kid has chosen for a name of this new pumpkin? The answer is, well, Bo Bo, a novel choice if you ask me. This addition has lead to some issues in the dueling Bo Bo's lives. Since there are to pumpkins to carry inside and entertain from time to time, which is to say every time, one of the Bo Bos will inevitably fall from the kid's clutches to a short but still sudden impact on the floor. These are the reprecussions of being loved to much, or of just being pumpkin friends to a clumsy over eager two year old.

In an attempt to end on a positive not I feel the need to detail the pumpkins most recent adventure. After retrieving, dropping, picking up, dropping, and finally handing new Bo Bo to me the pumpkins had moved inside. The kid shared her choccy milk, as she refers to it, with both pumpkins she then asked how they were doing. I was at this time quite glad they were incapable of replying as I doubt their conditions would have been positive. The kid then proceeded to watch her favorite television show with the pumpkin twins and promptly moved on. Such are the lives of live in pumpkins, and of the people with them.

Have a great weekend and smile, it could always be worse,
AJ

How To Ask For Directions

Growing up in Vermont there used to be an old joke that you should never ask real Vermonter for directions. This was the gist, a flat lander (an out of stater) drives up to a man working on his house in rural Vermont. The out of Townes asks for directions to the local ski mountain. The Vermonter responds by saying " well ya go up the road til' ya get to the fork, ya  go right til ya get to Jonesy's house and ya go left. After that go for a bit til' ya see where the old town hall was turn right, drive for a while then yull see old lady Winslows cow pasture turn left and yull be there in no time."

This comes to mid because everybody knows what to do when they've already done it but the first time is a bit of a challenge. I think the best way is, if you feel the need to ask, know what you're asking for instead of saying how do I get somewhere try instead ask how they got there the first time. The beauty of learning something is learning how somebody else did it first. That doesn't mean you need to follow them exactly it just means you now know how it can be done, that is the goal getting one step closer to an answer.

The point of all of this is that I've found myself realizing that when you have a job like mine you ask for a lot of help. I have never been one who asks for help easily so being in the position where asking for it is imperative is a bit challenging. My hope is that when I have need of assistance I always reach out in a way that is specific to me trying to get exactly what I need. Remember life is a lot easier when people want to help you, so always ask nicely.

Have a great day and smile, it could always be worse,
AJ

I Have No Idea What That Means!

From time to time the the communication I strive to foster breaks down.

I am currently trying to she'd some of my accrued girth. This task led me to a local gym with daycare while you work out, seemingly perfect for my needs, the only problem is that the kid does not agree. In the past year without daycare apparently the kid has become attached to only spending time with people she knows. This problem has escalated to not even allowing us to leave to go to the gym. This plan has fallen apart before it even began.

I have attempted to use our budding communication skills to resolve this problem, that being said I might as well be speaking Ancient Greek. Sometimes when things are going well and everything seems to working like a fine tuned machine all of a sudden she takes that monkey wrench and starts smashing gears like Gallagher with watermelons. After the absolute annihilation of our previous understanding the show really begins. Right now the back seat of my car is covered in chololate milk and raisin bran muffins, the consequences of potential bribes for good behavior gone horribly wrong.

I couldn't tell you if I can convince her that the gym is a viable option today but what I do know, is that I kind of love the fact she's getting attached to me. No matter how incredibly frusterating she is today it's because she wants to hang with me, that's pretty cool, infuriating but in a way, a very small way, adorable.

What I have realized is the take away from all of this is that I am just to wonderful to leave and she doesn't care if I'm fat. Unconditional and confused love what else could you ask for.

Have a great day and smile, it could always be worse,
AJ

Overstimulation

There is no doubt that sometimes in life the excitement around you is palpable. This is a great thing, you should be excited, life is generally not what I call exciting and that's ok also. The natural ebb and flow of excitement makes life the way we know it.

That being said, when the kid goes to any new place, whether a grand parents house or basically anywhere her parents are not the only source of entertainment, she is EXCITED. This past weekend we saddled up to Vermont to visit my parents, great visit blah blah blah, not my point. For some reason the nature of the visit for the kid was just unbridled joy. This joy was wonderful it was so lovely to see this pocket person bubbling over with glee. However (remember this is a blog so sentence structure is generally vague), this excitement has a dark side.

Overstimulation often occurs when you are just psyched about life and for some reason life is psyched about you being psyched about it, and all of a sudden everyone is jazzed and it can't stop and then BOOM! The roof falls in on the whole operation and happiness turns to sadness and screaming. I don't really have any answers here but come Sunday night after numerous adventures and more attention than even this primadonna can handle, the wheels fell of.

Take all of the joy from earlier and replace it with *warning fake word alert* crummudgenatude, and you have Sunday evening. No matter what you did she wasn't happy it was for lack of a better expression, a bad scene. What do you do when the mini-dictator decides to put a fatwa on you? Well per usual you hold on for dear life with white knuckles and take this crazy train until it goes back to the station.

Fast forward to Monday and things were back to "normal" we made it home and gathered some more stimulation but managed to keep it under control. Ride the wave as long as you can because that riptide we pull you out into insanity real quick.

Have a great day and smile , it could always be worse,
AJ

Pumpkin Chronicles

Two weekends ago the lady and the kid went to a yard sale for a coworker. This lead to arrival of a small pumpkin at our house. Now a pumpkins life must be fairly mundane in my estimation, it gets placed wherever the owner desires and then rots. The highlight of a pumpkins life may be, if lucky, getting carved. Watch out pumpkins because our pumpkin, Bo Bo as the kid calls it, has quite the life.

Over the past two weeks Bo Bo has experienced many things a normal pumpkin may never see,  he has been inside, outside, in the shoe organizer, in a carriage, even the refrigerator. The kid has taken it upon herself to make this pumpkin part of her daily life. A few days back she had the pumpkin on a chair in the kitchen feeding him yogurt. Another day she made him into a table and then a chair. This pumpkin is well rounded, hahaha, do you get it because he's actually round?!

What does this pumpkin think of this, in theory of course, but really most inanimate objects lead a very generic existence but not Bo Bo, for him as is true for me, everyday is an adventure. Here's to living a life of adventure, an adventure life, even for pumpkins.

Have a great day and smile, it could always be worse,
AJ

What's Up Doc?

Not many people enjoy going to the doctors office, personally I've been to so many I have very little problem with it but the kid is a different story.

When you are small the doctor's office is quite common and fairly traumatic. First it's shots and blood work then little kids are always sick. I have discussed the pitfalls of daycare and the health of everyone associated. This leads to a lot of time spent in a doctors waiting room. Following the waiting you have poking, prodding, coughing, listening, shots, and a lot of crying. I have to admit you don't enjoy whatching your child loose their mind like Bill O'Reilly on a production intern but it is a part of life.

Sometimes I wonder how much a 2 year old remembers, a lot is the only way I can put it. For her two year check up we hoofed it over to the pediatrician and we talked about what was going to happen and the ensuing treat if all went well. This seemed to put her at peace, until we opened the front door. Her breaks went on like a Mack truck heading toward the edge of a bottomless pit. This was truly a sign of pure hate to follow. I can't believe that she remembered how much she hated the doctor that much. I obviously feel terrible that she was so scared  especially because I was facilitating the moment of fear. That being said I was really impressed with the memory on this little chica, what are you going to do it will change over time, but damn what a quick kid!

I don't really know if there is any under lying message here but what I do know is people are incredibly impressive.

Have a great day and smile, it could always be worse,
AJ

NOOoOoOoOo!

I missed this today, such is the life.
Love you all and mow the lawn like a boss, because I did.

Have a great day/ night and smile, it could still get worse,
AJ

Fizzle Wizzle

Sometimes things are really easy, you can cruise through life and everything is just happening for you. I imagine this is what it's like for beautiful people or Ryan Seacrest. This however was not this little three person family's fate yesterday.

Throughout our adventures things can occur where one of us doesn't want to cooperate. Sometimes I'm sure that the parents in this situation don't cooperate but since we are normally setting the plans it is less common than what happened yesterday.

Wen was the last time you spent six ours of your day having zero control over what was going on?all the while desperately trying to stop the situation from descending into utter uncontrollable chaos. Inevitably chaos does ensue and there you are, standing in the middle of a scream filled anger Twinkie just clawing at that hate fuelled spongy cake for a return to reality.

There however is a silver lining, I think, when I find it I'll let you know. These anger sessions were connected to sleeping and peeing, two activities I have talked about at length.  The bright side of this, not quite a silver lining, she finally did sleep and pee in the child urine receptacle or potty if you like to call it that. No matter the effort it takes to complete these we still completed them, thank goodness.

Have a great day and smile, it could always be worse,
AJ

The Daddy Workout

I understand that most people workout by going to a gym, or trainer, or pool, and or tread mill. I like to consider my day a workout. I have compiled this workout in an easy to follow list just in case anyone would like to try it out, results may vary.

• Wake up an hour to fifteen minutes earlier than you want. This is assisted by, in my case a small menace, however slapping ones face and groin with a spatula will simulate this action nicely.
• Proceed to the arms portion of your day, lifting a large cup of coffee from table to mouth as quickly as possible. Repeat every one to four hours.
• To complete the cardio part of your day and at the same time your leg excercises sit in every room you see then immediately run to the next. Do not linger in any room more than five minutes and do not sit for more than sixty seconds.
• For the final portion start at the lowest stairway in how residence run up that then proceed to run up all the stairs available to you. At the top of each stairway place a  large pile of debris, hurdle said objects pick them up and then throw them back into your way. Feel free to repeat as often as you wish.

Do enjoy, if you get injured blame the kid.

Have a great day and smile,

AJ

It's Potty Time!

Today will be part one of an ongoing conversation. First, potty training, everyone has ideas on how to get it to work but the truth is, nothing has stuck. My new plan, lets just see what happens.

So potty training is hard. She doesn't like the treat option, for example. This is how a normal interaction goes.

• She makes a face as if she just lifted a car.
• I ask "are you pooping?" 
• She grunts "yes."
• She begrudgingly moves to the child potty.
• I attempt to remove the diaper and the freak out commences.
• I am able to place her on the toilet with what I would call mild anger on her end.
• This is where it gets tricky, we sit sing and calm down for roughly thirty minutes of intermittent anger and joy.
• After asking if she has completed the task and informing her that a treat will be following completion if the doody, hahahaha get it duty sounds like doody!
• She stands the task has not been completed and we exit.
• She poops in her diaper fifteen minutes later and thus the tale ends.

This isn't a cry for help but more a retelling of our day to day. So next time you take care of business be glad somebody taught you.

Have a great day and smile, it could always be worse,

AJ

That Seems Fairly Dangerous

Throughout my time in the best job for the worst pay, I have encountered many a quandary, today's case study is that of danger. What constitutes danger for a small child? The obvious classic dangers still hold serve, cars, ledges, animals, cleaning products, and electricity in general. These dangers tend to have built in controls, ways to protect yourself from them are part of their design. The next level of danger applies to someone, smaller, when a two foot tall person goes anywhere there are corners, stairs, chairs, and tables just to name a few. This makes for a rather dangerous daily life. Keep in mind this not war zone dangerous probably more Japanese game show dangerous but that is still far more than anyone would prefer.

When counteracting the daily dangers of  daily life one can often over do the protection of their child, say wearing a helmet all day. This is bad, yes very bad. People grow by screwing up, just remember your style of dress from the age of six to eighteen if you think you are perfect, this makes us the way we are. Self expression for some reason begins with the ability to injure ones self. Throughout my time making sure my child stays alive, I have developed a rule of thumb. This rule of thumb comes from another rule I created, when parallel parking always back in to the spot a little further than feels necessary before turning the wheel. This applies because when you feel uncomfortable, going with idea your instinct is to overreact, you should allow your child one more action because normally, after a couple failures, they get it right. Have faith, it's better than being worried all the time.

Have a great day and smile, it could always be worse,
AJ

Roller Coaster

People need to slow down. Why is everyone so quick to catch the late yellow light or cut in line. I was in line today and I allowed a woman who didn't have the correct paper work the first time she went through go ahead of me. This was not a great action, just being generally courteous, she was amazed by how nice I was. This has been a trying day but this family would just like to ask everyone nicely to, well, just be nice.

Have a great day and especially today smile, it could always be worse,
AJ

Walkabout Revisited

Ok, honesty time. I, well, lets just say that I am not very good at writing pieces that go in a series. These pieces involve an interconnection that I do not have time for. I have a kid! That should be a sizable enough excuse to allow for some artistic freedom. That being said, I am going to dad the living you know what out of this series. Now, for a quick aside. Yes, I did use dad as a verb. Yes, I am using the english language in a manner similar to a gorilla at a type writer. Further more I am completely aware not everyone will understand what I mean, so here is an explamanation of the verb, dad. When a father decides to dad something, they are avoiding pretenses and cutting out the ornamentation sometimes involves in explaining something. An example would be, when you are learning to mow the lawn. Your father will give very detailed directions, but at the end when the actual operation of the mower is being explained, your father just says "hold the handle down, pull the cord, and when the engine starts running, push, real hard!" Then he goes inside to watch college football. This has been an examination of the verb usage of the word dad, you may now return to your previous column. Thank goodness that's over, that was boring. The long and short of all of this is that I am going to pick up the series about our adventures in part two, and it probably will not flow well with what was before but, again just to be clear, I HAVE LITTLE DICTATOR IN MY HOUSE!

From this point forward I will be brief. It is so joyful going somewhere new. This joy comes from many places, maybe you like broadening your horizons or like me you enjoy imagining a life different, not better because that means you are comparing. What would your weekends be like, would you be a regular at the coffee shop, would parking be annoying? I like thinking about this stuff however nothing compares to literally seeing the experience through somebody else's eyes. When you have that little companion with you they are not just seeing another town or store, they are adding information on life itself to their brain. Exploration is awesome, try it sometime and let me know what you think.

Have a great and remember to smile, it could always be worse,
AJ

Estimated Running Time

Throughout life your energy gets smaller but your days get longer. If you had a car with 400,000 miles on it you wouldn't drive it around for 18 hours a day. Life does not agree with me, when you're born you actual awake time is small as you get older you are awake and moving more and more and more. Why don't we realize this instinctually and just shut it down from ages 0-12. I'm not saying sleep all day just, four hours then nap, rinse and repeat, then sleep for twelve and start again. The instinct isn't to conserve and save it for your twenties through sixties, hell no, we use it, we fight naps and we stay up late. That is preposterous, we need to play the long game for a minute. To me, this is like putting your relief pitcher in the second inning of a 20 inning overtime game. This means someone ill equipped to handle eight or nine innings, your closer, has to take you the distance and try not to blow it at the end.

The answer to my hypothesis is well, no, maybe even no in capital letters and an exclamation point, NO! I can't go to sleep early I can't nap, no matter if I want to, there is life to be lived. The mere fact that we have the ability and drive to waiste our energy makes life so damn captivating. Throughout your life you experience so many events every minute why would you want to conserve your life? These are the facts some times, going through looking forward to it ends up defining the whole thing.

People say that youth is wasted on the young. I say age is wasted on the old. Don't forget that you can't be angry and annoyed with the way young people act, if you in fact, didn't annoy someone older than you previously. This is just a reminder to push yourself and be as open as possible to the idea that when you know everything new thing are being invented every minute of everyday, just to prove you wrong. Be young inside when your old outside and old inside when your young outside and just maybe you can have it all.

Have a great day and remember smile, it could always be worse
AJ

Lunchimus Maximus

There is very little mystery involved in eating when you are an adult. This is a miracle, eating is unfathomably complicated. You not only need to utilize the food morsel in your mouth but you need to successfully get it to your mouth. The motor skills required to grasp then articulate the sustenance is crazy when you haven't even learned to poop in the toilet.

Cue fast paced cartoon music, we first wrangle the child. Child wrangling is not as simple asit may sound. Through life you learn certain survival techniques but there is one we have forgotten through the sands of time, flailing. When you pick up any child who is not entirely on board with the activity to follow, whether bath time or eating time if she is not on the game plan then the flail is in your future. This is a full body kicking, punching, back hunching, and head butting fit. The only bonus of this is the short lifespan of the aforementioned flailing.

After placing the child into the high chair, the food throwing and mouth missing commences. There are few thing that result in a mess more than a small child eating. The little person innthatnchair will be coverd from head to toe even under her clothes with the meal she just set out to eat. The act of feeding is crazy but it's so awesome to watch them learn, you are food the Svengali. Go home eat a nice meal, with your family, and enjoy it.

Have a great day and remember to smile, it could always be worse,
AJ

Are You Entertained!

Last night was not an ideal night for this household. Please, allow me to set the scene if I may... Three in the morning, biting cold, out of the shrowded darkness echoes a semi-rhythmic thumping. The sounds failed to reach my ears while I was deeply buried in sleep. The Hollstar, was not as lucky, she was, as I found out later, in a state of constant self perpetuating fear. Damn mouse! Seriously why do we cower at the sight of one of these tiny little fuzz nuggets? I am not okay with the power they have over someone who is as large as I am. This is a problem, a problem I solved.

It was now six in the morning, the sun rises, the trees seem to stretch to great the rising crescendo that is fresh morning, and there I am a lone gladiator standing tall in the shadow of a small but unpredictable opponent. As if I was a blood I hound searched the kitchen for the noise getting closer with every bump and bang that came from... The mud room? Wait, the mud room, even worse the recycling bin. This is so dumb, is this the worse rodent ever? With my masculinity approaching possibly dangerous levels, I lifted the bin with one finger on each hand as if it were radioactive. Proceeding without any screeching or whimpering, fine maybe a little,  removed the recycling bin and gingerly threw it as far as I could while continuing to hold it as far away from my body as possible. The bin skidded, flipped, and overturned revealing a tiny demon mouse! The classic standoff meant one of us would not be making it back in the house, and right now I'm sitting at the dinner table, yes! Take that mister mouse! I was victorious, lets just say, the mouse went to a farm up state with aunt Edna and her life partner Phyllis. I hate how joyous I feel over besting a tiny little half stupid mouse, at the same time I won and I was only kind of emasculated in the process. It feels like a great resounding success from this end.

 More from our adventure yesterday to follow at some point.

Have a great day and smile, it could always be worse,
AJ

The Sound of Adventure.

Today marks another adventure, this time to Bristol, RI. Throughout our journey today I found myself more conptemplative than usual.

During our more extensive journeys I often find myself taken by the place we visit. I love the idea of inserting yourself into a new story. It can be as simple as wondering what each day brings when you spend your life there, what the world smells like when you leave your door, and how that life is different. I never wonder if it's better, that requires comparison, this is just a little submersion being part of another life for a time, just a thought rental if you do. Today brought a nice view, old houses, classic brick institutional buildings, and a village green complete with compulsory white gazebo. I enjoyed going to the local coffee shop and splitting a bagel with the kid, while sat at a little children's table and eventually pooped... To be continued tomorrow, she woke up early, so are the perils of my life. Great day but I'm glad I'm home, with the kid.

Have a great day and smile, it could always be worse
AJ

Rituals of Life's Seasons

The sheen and glisten of summer dulls and weathers to the rustle and bronzes of Autumn. Life begins to harden and crunch, slow and linger, it feels like New England. Oh right, one more thing, football. I love football, from uniforms to strategy, I am poised at the precipice of football addiction and come September, I leap. This football craze has spread all the way to my little family.

Saturdays bring my favorite part of the Autumn, ESPN College Game Day. Three hours of college football over exposure. Lee Corso is the court jester extraordinaire of CGD (College Game Day). Between Corso's likely alcohol problem, health issues, and general insanity, is the piece de resistance for me... Adorning of the Mascot head. Following the panels picks of the days slate of games, Corso wears the head of the potential winning teams Mascot. This week he walked with a buffalo named Lee Corso, it was awesome!

The Kid was not abiding by my sacred activity on this day. She was insistent that we do anything except for watching CGD. Following The Kid departing with The Hollster, my fiancé! To go spend the day with her aunt. I sat down to finally pay my respect to the game day gods, then the power went out for two hours. So fast forward through dusting, lawn mowing, and organizing I finally got to my days only goal.

It was not an ideal day but it was a great day with my beautiful family culminating in a great Dinner date with Hollstar. Sometimes you just have to listen to what the day is telling you.

Have a great day and smile, it could always be worse,
AJ

If She WasThe President?

As per my delaration last week I am answering requests Today. The question for today, which is a little off of my pont, is... "If Sloane, the kid, was a political figure, dead or alive, who would she be?"

My answer comes in four people, first, three people who together equal one Slone. Followed by, one figure who at least comes close.

The three political figures are Howard Dean, Mitt Romney, and Pat Buchanan. Howard Dean meant well, he was a great candidate from a great state. The only problem was an apparent and quite public overenthusiam, YYEEEEHHAAHH!!!!!!!! The Kid shares his misappropriated passion and good intent. When she is excited and loving from time to time, she gets grabby and slappy. Sometimes, she may trip or fall when exuding positivity. All of the abuse, screaming, and falling is akin to the bold battle cry of dean.

The Stormin' Mormom Mittens was a rampant flip-flopper, of epic proportions. From public healthcare, to abortions, race, and name Mitt Rimney loved to change his previous statements. The Kids abides (pardon the Lebowski reference)... by all of his, choice realignments. When we leave the house she wants to go for a walk, not ten seconds later the grocery store, fast forward again and it's the playground. By all that is holy, pick a position will you! We need to acknowledge the tireless example of the Mitteor and how he really was the model for The Kid's flip-floppery.

Finally Pat Buchanan, why you might ask? He was crazy, certifiable, looney, whackadoo, and nuts. The is really it. He wanted to secede from the union and put a wall around the United State. The  Chinese did that already, how did that work? She is crazy Buchanan is crazy, end of story!

The all encompassing figure is not technically a political figure, he is a sports figure however. Allen Iverson seemed to mean well but he just couldn't show it. He ranted about practice. He managed to loose all of his money. Allen Iverson was bad at living logically as does The Kid. Throughout the day The Kid makes decisions without thinking them through, jumping off of chairs, biting dad, throwing fod, and avoiding naps. No one understands their poor decisions but they are the way they are.

Have a splendiferous day and smile, things could be worse,
AJ  

Wander About

Today we had an adventure. Into yonder wilderness we journied two intrepid explorers out to, climb rocks. Well this may not be Lewis and Clark and this may not be undiscovered country, also we had snacks. This however was an amazing trip.

The location, Lincoln Woods Park, a beautiful and previously unknown oasis in northern Rhode Island. On the way I told the kid we were on an adventure, and we both started shouting adventure! Fast forward the trip up and just a little loss of direction later and voila adventure. I realized something as we found this nice clearing, the kid doesn't know how to climb. How did I never teach her to climb? When I was growing up I had already eclipsed mountain peaks and was spelunking, at least that's what I thought.  How could I leaving such a gap in her development? Wait... I think I'm getting carried away. My point, right back to my point, I had forgot the fun of coaching! Sowing what line to take up the rock, how to stay on your feet, and how strong she really is. I think I enjoyed it more than she did. Keep in mind these are no great rock faces but to her it was a mountain or an expansive crevice. This was a monumentus day for me, I mean, us. This was a real winner.

Explore, learn, teach, and have fun.

Have a great day and smile, it could always be worse,

AJ.

Aaaarrrrrgggghhhh

Why is following directions complicated? If I say come on let's go here or there, I have a fifth percent chance my child listens. I can't understand the reasons behind common place activities like eating or sleeping are now moments of intense screaming and one sided anger, that's her side by the way. However I have learned that being calm is golden.

If you are getting shot at from a fox hole, you respond in kind. If you are being chased you run. If you have a child loosing all grip on reality, screaming, crying, and acting generally enraged you just get quiet and calm almost unaffected by the situation. This is not my normal reaction to this kind of provocation, I am a yeller. I love yelling, it feels great, it sounds great, amd to me it is great. All of my adoration for yelling however means nothing. Much like those old jeans or cowboy boots that you love but the rest of the world hates, yelling has no place with small children. It just makes it worse and it ends up just being stupid. I sometimes wonder about the day to day concerns of my childless counterparts, what do you worry about? I hope you worry about nothing but still yell at everyone. People who walk slow in the grocery store, bad drivers, Yankees fans, and anyone who just rubs you the wrong way. Get all of the yelling out of your system because you have no room for it once the kid comes. You will sleep faster, get more done, and look WAY better if you don't.  In all seriousness I find it amazing that life constantly reminds you that no matter how firm a grip you believe you have on things, sometimes you need to just get quiet and listen to what your world is telling you.

Have a great day and smile, it could always be worse,
AJ

Take a walk

In boston today visiting the uncle for the morning. Today is a great and beautiful day! Take a walk, enjoy your favorite beverage, appreciate your life and the people in it, and have a conversation about something you know nothing about. That's all today lots of stuff tomorrow!

Have a nice day and smile, it could always be worse,
AJ

With Great Pooper Comes Great Responsibility.

There are certain moments in your life you will never forget, graduation, athletic achievement,  your first time falling in love, and the birth of a child. Well I want to add another one, the first time you successfully change your child's diaper. This is memorable both in a positive way and rather negative way because it will inevitably be poop and not just any poop the first poop in a extremely long of future poops. I right now am going to tell you something that no one ever tells you until after it is pertinent information, the first bowel movement of a persons life is quite possibly the worst. This looks like tar, I mean road pavement, this stuff smells like burnt hair and anger. This poop will forever change the way you think about excrement. In a way it's probably by design that no matter how elbow deep in your child's bodily waste you get, and it will happen, it will still be better than what you find waiting for you in that first diaper.

A newborn is a pristine wrinkly little person who just needs care. This is a wonderful thing and you will love them with all of your heart! The problem comes when you remember that this is still a person, and they not only require love but also some heavy duty maintenance. I had never been trained for the task ahead of me. Much like a debutant on the silver screen, I had an audience for this momentous occasion. My first and the kids first diaper change. In retrospect it was not complicated but the first time you stare down that still steaming fecal Howitzer, you may freeze. When a baby is born they are basically a cute garbage disposal without the straight to swear pluming. All of this paired with my general lack of knowledge and distrust of diapers gave me pause. The room was filled with nurses, family members, my fiancé, and they looked at me and this baby waiting for switch. To be honest it all goes blank at this point I just remember being done with the stench of poop in my nostrils and the sense of satisfaction in my heart. I learned a valuable lesson that day, always have the grand parents change the diapers.

Have a nice day and smile, it could always be worse,

AJ

Question?

I really want to be the Dear Abby of stay at home dads! So I want to start a weekly advice column I'm gonna call it, Ask This Dad. Keep in mind that's just a working title. This is something I think could be great for everyone involved a.k.a me and whom ever asks a question, but seriously. I need your help to make this work. First, comment on this post and tell me what you think, good idea or bad idea, maybe I should try a specific approach, and title ideas. Second, email me questions we can do anonymous or fake names, and ask anything, crazier the better. I'm going to select three questions a week and answer on Fridays. These will be researched and well thought, possibly humorous answers, so tell people and give me some good ammunition.

Have a nice day and smile, things could always be worse,

AJ

The Game, Set, And Match Changer

Throughout life you often find yourself in a situation that you may have not considered. In this case the surprise was, well, the most classic of surprises. Yes, it was a baby. Now to give basic background after having cancer in high school I thought having a child would be a lot more work, guess it wasn't! There can be a beautiful resonance to surprises. The moments in your life that you expect very rarely live up to the story you make in your head, but when you never see something coming it forces you to adjust your expectations earlier creating a moment unencumbered by foresight.  I never thought I would be where I am today and, despite those previous expectations, am right where I was meant to be. Try letting life plan you not the other way around. As usual a quick aside. Don't rely on the cliche quotes you because they remind me of someone who thinks they are unique by dressing like lady GaGa. Let me tell you, they aren't special, someone else is special. All this means is when you wear ripped panty hose and smear lipstick, you just look rabid and undesirable. In the way that the girl at Whole Foods who thinks she is lady GaGa lacks depth and personal understanding, stock quotes lack any meaning past a poster with a cat on it. Back to the matter at hand, changing expectations.
   
Last summer we had Sloane in daycare 2 days a week because I had a part time job. Daycare was great for her because she loves other kids, it was a nightmare for us, the parents, because apparently kids are incredibly good at spreading disease. Much like rats, small children set forth plagues on their homes nearly daily with the adeptness of a surgical strike. With this in mind there is a virus called hand foot and mouth which renders the recipient in a state akin to the walking dead. Sloane became the temporary home to a rather robust strain and was actually relatively unscathed, seemingly avoiding most of the blister and sores that can accompany it. This felt like a win, until, she poked me in the eye with her spit and virus soaked paicpher. At this point things went poorly for me. Over the next week I had the pleasure of non-permanent leperacy. Never in my life did I imagine my skin could hurt' well it can. I don't feel the current need to tell you how amazingly uncomfortable I was, but I promise you that it was not enjoyable. The best part of all of this though was that you realize no matter what comes the next day or in this case next week you are right back in the swing with a little crazy person running around gunning for your health... And groin.

Life throws things at you daily and your job is to catch. Take pride in your work and relationships they temper the changes in life and lead to, we'll, more questions. That's ok, I have never met a person who I found interesting who didn't try a couple things before they got it right. Be interesting, be good, and accept change because it already accepted you.

Have a nice day and smile, it could always be worse,
AJ.

     Dear world when my child is having "a moment" and is visibly annoyed with the state of her being please do not take that as a moment to assist!

     Normally I am pretty good with keeping "the child" happy. However from time to time we have, what we'll call for the purposes of this piece, a disagreement. Today she was tired and I was, well, tired of trying to get her to nap. Even with her being generally annoyed we needed groceries and all of the classic sleep inducing procedures had failed, so hello super market. On any normal day the store is a pleasant shopping cart facilitated stroll where we leave with bags and most likely a muffin for the kid. Today, the second we entered it became apparent that she wanted a muffin. How, you might ask? Well the word muffin started being spoken at me on repeat for the better part of five minutes. The speaking became shouting and the shouting began to escalate to screaming as I was approaching the muffin hut nestled in the bread isle. All of a sudden, as if I wasn't keenly aware of the situation at hand, an elderly woman decided to interject her sage wisdom. "Oh what a cutie, I think she wants a muffin dad." NO FREAKING WAY!  Now I responded calmly despite my non stop express trip to utter chaos, with the classic "don't I know it!" Now I completely understand that no one likes an unhappy kid but she was still far less agitated than your average grocery store child freak out. This interaction is far to common when it comes to being in public. I am just trying to buy dinner here, understand I am doing what I can and please I beg you, don't feel the need to talk approach.

     Well that's my rant for the day and I do vaguely feel bad that this old lady made me want to start punting the cantaloupes, but in retrospect I really don't feel bad. Have a wonderful day and don't approach an angry child, or a tired parent , you will be risking the life of innocent produce.

Have a nice day and smile, it could always be worse,
AJ.

Hello, before we get started I feel as though I should explain myself. This page will chronicle the joys, laughs, questions, answers, problems, rants, and what ever else I feel like in connection to my life as a stay at home dad. Yes, you could call this a daddy blog, and please do, but even more than that this is my take on being the parent at home. I have been afforded the experience of being the 8ish-5ish Monday through Friday caretaker of my 2 year old daughter Sloane. Needless to say my Fiance Holly, or for my purposes here "the Rainmaker" is a wonderful partner, mother, and business woman but that's for a later day. Thank god that's over, right!

When you have a small child you are often looking for ways to keep them entertained because no matter how magical you are, you are not magical enough for 9 hours. There are times that you think you have everything under control playing with the seemingly endless supply of toys specifically designed to make any adults ears bleed... but you don't. One second you're happy and laughing, the next following a headbutt that would render even the most seasoned pugilist unresponsive, you are back at square one. I feel as though it's necessary to state you are not in control, yes without you a child is technically helpless, but they run the show. Children are heartless anarchist dictators whose only goal is their own sense of joy, but they are blessing, miracle, and all of those things sarcastic parents wouldn't say. Remember I only say this because I care. Right, back to the point, entertaining your child. During your day you will at a minimum go for a walk, eat seven times, sing twelve songs, read twenty books, and go to the playground. 

       Playgrounds are amazing , for the kids, for a parent a playground is a microcosm of social darwinism. Here are some tips to help you survive and maintain face. Always dress well, no one respects the parents in sweatpants and a t-shirt.   Never cling to your child, inevitably you look controlling and become "that parent" at the playground. Make sure you are 3 feet away from your child at all times unless directly interacting, any closer and your a hall monitor, any further and you're negligent. If your child interacts with other kids say hi to the parent, if they are obeying the previous rules, introduce yourself and child then wait. This will secure the upper hand in the interaction. You now have the ability to follow the other parents lead and abort if they are a rampant over-sharer. This can be treacherous because you will inevitably talk solely about the wonders of child rearing. On an aside isn't rearing a weird term? It's a functional term and I don't have anything better, but woof. Final advice, if you are a stay at home father you WILL be outnumbered by women and nannies, that's okay, be comfortable in your role and it helps to seem completely comfortable when your child has claimed the slide like spoils of war. Oh yeah one more thing don't over discipline at the play ground. You never look good when you have an iron fist, try bronze, it's a softer metal. Remember that at the end of the day it's all gravy because you have the best, worst paying, job in the world. 

          Have a wonderful day and smile it could always be worse,

          AJ.